|This is where we used to live.....
||[22 Mar 2013|04:17pm]
So moving day is tomorrow.....Feeling ok about it just a little worried that this stupid asshole fake ass company is going to charge me for stupid shit so they can keep my security deposit....I will kill their family....and make them watch....for real though.
I just wanna take a nap for like 80 hours but alas I must pack more shit....moving blows
I do have to say I am doing a pretty decent job of keep my shit together.
I have only cried a couple times and not for very long.
Pretty good considering I am going to start my period in like the next 5 minutes....
I found out what my raise is......joke
no but I really did and I still dont make real money.....
broke joke for life
im going to the downstairs doc for the first time since I was like 17....
monday is not my favorite day anyways and now I am going to have some little asian man looking at my stuff....
||[15 Mar 2013|01:52pm]
Ok so today was a little nuts.....
went to work, had our st. pattys party and got our yearly visit from Lenny the leprechaun. The kids were insane and hilarious. Got home from work ate lunch and called Brian, the owner of the condo we were hoping to move into.....on a side note I do not like calling him. In person he is super nice but on the phone he sounds like a crabby dick and makes me feel nervous. Anyways I talked to him and he said we can come sign the lease and give him the security deposit. (Thanks again Baby Lawsy) The only problem is he said he wants the rest of the money and the prorated rent for March by next week. I texted justin about it and he has not said anything back yet....soooo I am really hoping we have enough money to move in and it doesnt make us broke. Oh how I wish I was actually paid real money. Well all I can do is hope for the best I guess. I am pretty excited to go see it though. Found out my new address and everything. :)
|I will wait for you......
||[08 Mar 2013|07:48pm]
Starting it off with some song lyrics like a true live journal veteran! LOL
Im sitting here waiting on my Lawsy to call me so we can go get Panera! YUM!
I failed my first attempt at a crash diet.....im not surprised.
Wishing I could just be smaller again....I have lost weight but not nearly enough.
I am standing up in my niece's wedding in 6 months aaaaand I need to not be so huge.
Weird thing is...my Mom just texted me again.
I dont know what it is about her texting me every time Im updating this thing.
So tomorrow I am going shopping with her and my cousins.
That also is weird.....hopefully it turns out ok and its not obvious that I feel like screaming.
Plus I found out she is getting a computer and the internet so I dont know what i am going to do.
I can NOT handle my Mom having a FB....I might just have to delete mine....seriously
I hate that people think they can just never acknowledge the past and then magically..... it never happened?
|Hello old friend....
||[02 Mar 2013|07:46pm]
Well it has been like 8 years since I lasted posted in this thing. So much of my life has changed it is insane. Last time I wrote in this I lived with my Aunt and Uncle and was still stupidly dating Mike. My life for the most part is so much better. I have been dating Justin for over 7 years and he is honestly the best person I have ever met. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He is the main reason well really one of the only reasons I feel happy. Its funny becuz the reason I even decided to write in this thing after so much time is becuz I havent felt as depressed as I do right now for quite some time. Honestly if it wasnt for Justin I dont even know what I would do......it is scary to even think about. We live in this condo and although its not the best looking place we have made it look so cute! I cant believe that we have to move. It seriously sucks so bad. I feel like a little kid like I just wanna stomp my feet and scream and cry. I have been crying so much lately I dont know how Justin handles me. I just cant even help it.I have always been a worrier and I am so worried about finding a good place to live in such a short amount of time. Especially since it cost like 80 million dollars just to move into a place. On top of all of that I just cant help but feel like I am young again and my Mom is telling me we have to move. The worst thing is being told that you no longer can stay in your home.....you have to find a new one. Find a new home? I know for some people it is not a big deal to move. I hate it.....I need security and stability. I dont wanna make a new home....I already have one....I hate when things happen that make me feel the same emotions I felt when I was younger. Shit was so fucked up back in the day. Going back and reading these old journal entries is depressing in itself. It does feel kinda good to vent out my feeling again in a journal. Now a days with facebook you cant type one single thought without the whole world seeing it. I miss the good old days of live journal when it was just your friends that could see it. How funny that as Im typing this my Mom texts me.....thats a whole other story though. I think I want to keep updating this thing. I need outlet. I wonder if anyone else will even see this...its kinda nice to think that maybe they wont?
||[08 May 2005|03:52am]
i finally did it, i got a new journal! if you would like to be added, comment. If not, you suck, BITCHES!
new journal name: sinceyuvbengone
||[07 May 2005|09:15pm]
im so fucking pissed right now!
i lost my fucking glasses....
well americas best here i come....
|what a beautiful day!!!
||[07 May 2005|02:08pm]
im in such a good mood!
i love this weather!
i love wearing sunglasses!!!!
so this is day one of my house sitting.
my family is gone until next sunday!
im kinda sad.....i miss them
i wish i had a boy to come over and be with me so i wouldnt be scared!?
whatever boys fucking suck anyways i guess?
i feel like i am never gonna meet anyone cuz i am too scared to talk to them
like my deftones boy.....everytime he talks to me i just get super shy!
i cant help it?
one day i will do it
maybe ill just slip him a note?
is that dorky?????
|my tummy hurts......
||[06 May 2005|07:24pm]
so tonight i am going to a girl party at ashleys house!!!!
i am so tired i think i am gonna buy a red bull...
ive never had one before so i dont know?
yesterday was my first softball game!
i was awesome...lol
but we won!!!! it was 9 to 7!!! oh yeah!!!!! go team!
then we went to ashleys afterwards!
and there was this guy there...
and he looked like mike but even hotter!!!!
me and ashley couldnt stop staring at him!!!
i didnt know if i wanted to rape him or beat the shit outta him...
oooh i should have used my new pick up line!!!! hahahahaha!!!
"i have a huge shower....would you like to come test it out with me?"
nah! im saving that one for the deftones kid at subway!!!!! yum!
i feel like i wanna bitch about something so ill just make it short...
if your life sucks, its your own fault!
dont sit around trying to make people feel sorry for you.
you are the only one that can change it.
||[04 May 2005|06:19pm]
so i finally bought my ticket!!!!
florida here i come!
screw all you bitches!
i am never coming back!
also i have decided that i will be erasing this journal
i will get a new one and i will add cool people
i just want to dissapear.
so you wont ever find me.
ooooh yesterday i bought a new bathing suit for florida!
and i bought eternal sunshine on dvd!
i know its stupid becuz bran already has that movie
and we are moving in together....but
i love it and i had to have it.
i know i said this in a previous entry but
i really do wish life was really like eternal sunshine.
becuz i would have that shit face erased.
||[02 May 2005|06:41pm]
so im about to go on a rant so if you dont wanna get pissed
stop reading now....
so yeah i was talking to a friend and she told me that she saw
mike on this online dating service thing
then i spoke with another friend and she said the same
so i guess mike is on like 70 different on line dating services???
and i found his one on my space
what a joke
you like cuddling and sunsets?
and you graduated in 2001?
why do you have to be such a fucking liar?
why couldnt you have just had some balls and told me you were breaking up with me becuz you didnt want to be with me and you were gonna look for someone else?
instead you sat there and gave me this false hope about how you wanted to get back together someday.....wow
seriously i really wanna just puke in your face you make me so sick
so now i know that all those times you had like 50 bitches on your friends list you were prolly like having some on line relationship with them all...
seriously you need to get a life
back away from your computer
get off your ass
and fucking take a good look at yourself
and i dont mean all the fucking pics you have been taking
becuz you are so fucking full of yourslef.
think about the way your actions effect other people
think about the fact that you do nothing all day
you have no job
but yet you sit online night after night
talking to all these fucking pathetic girls that actually think that something will come out of meeting people on an online dating service?
and i have heard you are sooooo lonely
you wouldnt be if you werent such a fucking idiot.
so now that i have said all these things i know for sure you will never talk to me again and i guess im ok with that becuz like i told you befor i wish i would have never met you...
you are a fucking liar
you prolly have cheated on like a million times
if not physically than at least emotionally with all you fucking online girlfriends!!!!
so way to go mike!
i feel sorry for your next victim....
hopefully she doesnt fall for you as hard as i did and waste over 3 years of her life just so you can stab her in the fucking heart!!!!
||[29 Apr 2005|01:46pm]
Single or taken: single
Birthday: March 28, 1985
Hair colour: brown, black, blonde, orange....
Eye colour: brown/hazel
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Straight
F A S H I O N | S T U F F
Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes?: Old Navy
What is your sexiest outfit?: ha
What is your most comfortable outfit?: pj pants and a hoodie
What do you usually wear?: khaki pants and a red shirt...everyday to work
S P E C I F I C S
What kind of shampoo do you use?: some crazy stuff my aunt buys from a salon
What are you listening to right now: nothing
Who is the last person that called you?: either ashely or dave?
How many buddies are online right now?: 4 becuz i have no buddies...lol
What would you change about yourself?: everything
F A V O R I T E S
Girls names: isabel, alison, emily
Boys names: ian, alex, jacob
Subjects in school: pffff
Animals: i love em all
H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
Given anyone a bath?: kids i babysat...
Bungee jumped?: no
Made yourself throw up?: .....
Skinny dipped?: hahahahahaha
Ever been in love?: yeah
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: i used to all the time
Cried when someone died?: yeah
Lied: who hasn't?
Fallen for your best friend?: no
Rejected someone?: yeah
Used someone?: no its more like people like to use me....
Done something you regret?: yeah
C U R R E N T
Clothes: tan chords and a red deftones shirt
Annoyance: my sun burn is making me itchy
Smell: tanning lotion...yum
Desktop picture: deer in the backyard
Cd in player: as i lay dying
DVD in player: garden state
L A S T | P E R S O N
Hugged: one of the kids at school
You IMed: brandy
You yelled at: kyle
You kissed: one of the kids at school
A R E | Y O U
Insecure: at times
Hungry: no i just ate
Smart: i like to think i am
Moody: i can be
Hard working: ha, if you call playing with kids all day hard work
Organized: I try
Healthy: oh yeah...lol
Difficult: I try not to be
Attractive: from the neck up lol
Bored easily: yeah.
Angry: not so much anymore
Sad: not really
Happy: most of the time
Trusting: yeah i was but look where that got me
W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A
Kill?: no one
Talk to offline: no one
Talk to online: brandy but she never there
R A N D O M
In the morning I: want to die
All you need is: love...dun da dun dun dun
I dream about: crazy shit
What do you notice first in the guy/girl you're into: teeth, eyes, hair
W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R
Coke or Pepsi: coke
Flowers or candy: flowers
Tall or short: tall
W H O
Makes you laugh the most: the kids at school, ashley or dave
Makes you smile the most: the kids at school
Gives you stomach butterflies when you see him/her: I don't get that anymore :(
D O | Y O U | E V E R
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: ha, no becuz i would be sitting there for no reason...lol
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: nope
Wish you were younger: i wish i was 5
Cry because someone says something to you?: yeah im like the most sensitive person ever
N U M B E R
Of times I have had my heart broken: hmm by just one person or should i add them all up
Of hearts I have broken: ?
Of guys I've kissed: havent really kept track
Of girls I've kissed: none
Of CD's I own: not too many
Of scars on my body: a lot
Of things that I regret: .....
Y O U R | T H O U G H T S
I know: the real story
I want: to be happy
I have: go to the gym
I wish: i looked like michelle branch...minus the pregancy
I hate: being let down
I fear: i will never find someone
I hear: nothing
I search: for the answers
I wonder: what your thinking
I love: my job
I miss: everything
||[28 Apr 2005|12:51pm]
You May Be a Bit Dependent ...
You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned.
You need a lot of support in your life, at all times.
It's difficult for you to survive on your own...
And you don't reallly think you ever could.
yeah im really fucking pissed becuz my printer is being a bitch!!!!!!!!
im on my lunch break and yeah
im supposed to bring these pics back
but its not working....
i hate computers!
they always make me feel stupid!
||[27 Apr 2005|11:03pm]
this always happens....
i tend to say some pretty harsh shit when i am pissed.
i cant help it.
tomorrow is open house at work
it should be pretty fucking crazy
it better not rain becuz i wanna jump in the bouncy house
im going to the gym right after work so its gonna be a long ass day
oh yeah speaking of the gym i had the funniest work out yesterday
this old guy was running with his hands straight up in the air shaking them
then he started running backwards on the treadmill...
then these crazy mexicans saw him and they tried it and the girl almost fell
it was pretty amusing to watch.
oh yeah and i finally bought the as i lay dying and the first norma jean cd
becuz my cd player wont play burned cds cuz its a piece of shit
so now i get to listen to them at the gym
oooooooooh and i finally got a tanning membership
and since its not in the ghetto there are fucking cd players
like in the room with you
so you can listen to whatever you want
its fucking sweet
so now i come in there and everyone like listening to rap or whatnot
and i blow them all away
its pretty fun and it makes the time go buy so fast
anyways i am just rambling now and i still gotta call bran
since she is always on line but never has an away message up
very misleading ms. laws....tisk tisk
||[24 Apr 2005|04:55pm]
|you suck so fuck off
||[22 Apr 2005|03:15pm]
ha ha ha
thats an oldie but a goodie!
im feeling better today.
prolly becuz i talked on the phone forever last night
first i was talking to ashley for like 45 mins
then i talked to bran for over an hour
it was nice
to have friends
that call me
i missed talking to you bran
on line and through lj just wasnt cutting it for me
im soooo excited about our plan!
so here it is.... i am gonna but a one way ticket to florida
and stay there for like 2 days or something and then we are gonna drive back in brandy's car! can you say ROAD TRIP! im so excited
hopefully i can find a boy in florida and make him move to michigan?
so yeah this wekend is gonna be fun!
tonight i am going to this girl shala's b-day party with ashley!
i think its gonna be pretty lame though so me and ashley are gonna try to sneak out early and go to the movies!
then tomorrow i am hanging out with dave
if it doesnt snow maybe we can still fish...*crosses fingers*
then later in the night my softball team is throwing a hotel party
its like a pre season party or something? i dont know
but dave if you arent doing anything you should come!
oh yeah you prolly have to work....:(
so yeah i was really upset yesterday
as if you couldnt tell
but i realize that this is for the best and all things happen for a reason
and if anything this will just make me stronger
and i will be sure to set higher expectations for my next boy friend
also ashley made a good point
it is better to be alone and lonely than in a dead end relationship
that is completley one sided?
oh yeah........ HAPPY ERF DAY EVERYONE!
go plant a tree
or spit on someone smoking....lol
|thanks for wasting 3 years of my life
||[21 Apr 2005|08:27pm]
what a fucking joke man.
i love it
fucking break up with me 2 days before my birthday
tell me we are on a break and you still love me
then tell me you dont know
i love when people i love treat me like shit
you should all join a fucking club!
hey, i know my mom can be the president!
why did you ever start talking to me again....
this is so last year
thats the funniest part
hey! why dont you go to iowa with nicole again!
i swear my life is a fucking joke
why do i let these fucking people do this to me?
becuz i am pathetic
and a loser
its like just when my life was starting to feel semi normal you decided to come fuck it up a little! thanks your awesome!
you are the most selfish, egotistical, liar i know!
why dont you tell me one more time about how you didnt
break up with me for another girl...
is it brandi or mary
i dont know i cant seem to keep track!?
maybe its one of the 14 year olds you talk to online?
you said you are trying to get your life together
and i was proud of you
but everytime i talk to you
what have you done today?
oh, i slept in until 5:30 in the afternoon
yeah looks like your trying real hard!!!!!
so keep up the good work!
and a year from now when you are "feeling lonely and missing my brown eyes"
just keep it to your self ok cuz i am not gonna let you suck me back into to your trap!
|today was a funny day....
||[21 Apr 2005|05:59pm]
my kids were cracking me up at work today!
so i was sitting with kush at lunch and....
"you need to eat your food, its delicious!" -me
"no miss kelley, your delicious!!!" - kush
then this morning we found baby kittens in our bike shed....
"the baby cats are cold!" - jason
"well what do you think they need?" -me
"they need jackets!" -may
i thought that was the cutest thing ever!
so yeah i was supposed to go fishing with my dad and dave on saturday
but....supposedly its going to snow? WTF?
michigan weather sucks ass!
||[20 Apr 2005|04:56pm]
Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1- i am a procrastinator
2- i cant just let go
3- i get very attatched to people
4- i put myself down....a lot
Name Four Scents You Love:
1- love spell
3- old spice
4- pool smell
Name Your Top Four Shows (in no particular order):
1- that show with the drummer from bink 182
3- channel 7, 5o'clock news
4- good morning america
Name Your Top Four Movies:
1- Eternal Sunshine
2- romeo and juliet
3- Garden State
4- the green mile
Name Four People That Know You the Best:
Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1- ate breakfast
2- went to work
3- got a lot of pink paint on my pants
4- came home
First Grade Teacher's Name?:
Last Song You Sang?:
the entire maroon 5 album
Last Person You Hugged?:
Last Thing You Laughed At?
the corn dog on the pre-k door.....lol
Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?:
i dont remember
Last Time You Cried?:
What's In Your CD Player?:
as i lay dying
What Color Socks Are You Wearing?:
What's Under Your Bed?:
boxes of pictures.....maybe a sock?
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?:
yeah its ugly....
black pants and my childrens world shirt
to be loved in return
a pic my uncle took of deers in our back yard
am i ever gonna get over it?
Current Favorite Physical Feature Of The Same Sex?:
same sex? what?
Last CD You Bought?:
i dont remember
Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk to?:
How Many Kids Do You Want?
2-3 maybe 4
A Random Lyric:
I climbed your arms then you pulled away a new cavity moved into
my heart today the more I scream the more it seems
that now I'm through
now I'm through
with the new you
How about the stupidest lyric?:
i know there are so many but i cant think of one.....
|what a day...
||[17 Apr 2005|08:50pm]
so today bible study was really awesome. we had it at the park on a blanket.
i took some really sweet pics....too bad i am stupid and i dont know how to put them on here? so yeah, after bible study i went over to my mom's house. when i got there i noticed she had a black eye...she had a black eye the last time i saw her which was like 2 weeks ago so i was like, is that the same black eye? and she told me no, and that this new one was becuz she was play fighting with her bf and he elbowed her.....
her last excuse was that the cupboard door hit her in the eye.
i just dont fucking know anymore. i mean i know i say i fucking hate my mom and shit but still that doesnt mean i want some fuck up beating her. im pretty upset about it. i was talking to my aunt when i got home cuz she heard me crying and came downstairs. she told me that my mom will never be the person i want her to be. she will never be a "mother". that kinda fucking sucks. i mean its not like i didnt already know that but yeah its still kinda hard to grasp. like sitting there knowing your mom like doesnt love you or herself for that matter. i dont want to see my mom like this. even she deserves better than that....
i dont know so i am kinda freaking out. i got a lot out of bible study today. i even got a little choked up at one point.
something about, "one person can not keep warm alone" thats prolly not exact but yeah anyways, thats my problem. i hate being alone, im like a freaking baby or something....i just wish that i was older and i had my own family to love and take care of? i dont know but this is like the longest entry i have written in like a long ass time. so if you are at this point give yourself a pat on the back for actually reading all this garbage....
|i feel kinda crappy today....
||[17 Apr 2005|10:24am]
i dont know i have been in a wierd mood ever since yesterday.
it started off good...
i went to this fun fair thingie with my family
then we went fishing and i caught like 20 fish!
so that was sweet
but then i ended up going down to royal oak...
and it all went down hill :(
i ended up going to a party at some girl's house
and i knew like 85% of the people there but for some reason
i felt totally uncomfortable?
it was wierd....
becuz on friday i went to a party in Troy with all my new friends
and i was totally fine...
maybe becuz i was wasted? i dont know
its just wierd?
i wonder if it was becuz i was there?
i hate the way things are turning out?
i wish real life could be like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...
i guess if i had no memory of it there would be nothing for me to miss?